Posts Tagged ‘dance partners’

I’m not sure you have noticed… but I’m a pregnant swing dancer.

Currently, I am 20-something weeks along and still dancing up a storm.  Well, I’m dancing up as big a storm as my dance partners will allow.  As my belly has gotten bigger, my ballroom dance connection improved for awhile.  The curve of my belly fit the curve of my husband’s belly nicely.  But now, the belly is starting to make Tango a little more interesting.   Luckily, I am a swing dancer and the versatility (and distance) of open dance position keeps me smiling and in my favorite dance shoes rather than on the sidelines of the dance floor.

I have been told that “Baby Barnes” is going to come out spoiled.  Baby Barnes will have spent 9 months in the womb being rocked for hours by all the East Coast Swing, West Coast Swing and Hustle dancing I do.  After being born, the baby will still want to be rocked (or Swing) for hours on end.

I have noticed that the baby tends to wiggle and kick when I am still.  Right now, I’m getting kicked because I’m sitting very still while writing this blog.  But get me to the ballroom or dance studio and the kicking stops soon after my first dance.  The swing dance steps and the movement of my body rocks the baby to sleep while I am working up a sweat to some very loud music.

This got me thinking about dancing with babies.  I found this article and thought I would share it with you.  Susan Peach has over 20 years experience as a Latin dance and fitness instructor. She is also the creator of Mambo Moms, a fun and gentle Latin dance based fitness program that helps new moms get back in shape while spending quality play time with their babies.  http://www.mambomoms.com

Shared Dancing has Benefits for Babies and New Moms Alike

by PregnancyAdmin on May 5, 2009

“Shared Dancing has Benefits for Babies and New Moms Alike

Every parent knows the calming effects on their baby of rocking and gentle motion. After all, who among us has not paced the floor at 2 am trying to entice a little one back to sleep by rocking, bouncing or swaying?

I want to continue our discussion on personal improvement.  We all now know why our shoes stink.  But there are other concerns that still keep us socially awkward at swing parties and ballroom dances.

You know me, I’m a stickler for dance etiquette.  I don’t need to be the best East Coast Swing dancer in the room.  But when I dance with someone, I do have a goal.  It’s not to out dance my partner or show everyone how cool I am.  My goal is for my partner to end the dance with a smile on their face and thinking, “I really enjoyed that.  Swing dancing with her is fun.”  Mind you,  I have the same expectation for my dance partner.  I want to end the dance smiling after enjoying dancing with them too.

But every so often, you dance with a “Sketchy Guy” or a “Sketchy Girl”.  After dancing with a sketchy dancer, it can be very hard to walk away with a smile on your face.  Many times, it is hard to enjoy dancing with a sketchy dancer.

 We have all been guilty of the behaviors bellow.  We have all done things that can be thought of as “sketchy”.  But what we need to do, is recognize our sketchiness, laugh at it, learn from it and then stop doing it.  Nobody wants to be described as “You know, that sketchy swing dancer, over there.”

Please enjoy the musings of Richard Powers.  Richard has been teaching contemporary and historic social dance for over thirty years.  He leads workshops around the world and is currently a full-time instructor at Stanford University’s Dance Division.

“This is a touchy topic because I don’t want to speak dismissively of anyone who loves to dance.  However it’s an important topic to many women who complain about “sketchy guys” at dances, so that makes it worth discussing.

What is a sketchy guy?

“OK, that’s a sexist term.  So let’s say that any woman who acts this way is a “sketchy girl.”  But somehow we see more males than females behaving this way on the dance floor.

A sketchy guy is…

1) Any man who is physically rough with his partner, who hauls his partner though steps and figures.

As you already know… a good lead knows and cares what is comfortable for his partner.  He cares what is pleasurable or fun for her, as opposed to just showing off, or using her as an accessory to his ego.

A considerate man dances for his partner’s ability and comfort; sketchy guys don’t.

A good lead clearly suggests an option, which is different from controlling her.  He proposes, not prescribes, a certain way of moving to his partner.  If his partner does not go with his proposal (does not ‘follow’), he adapts to her motion instead of exerting more power to press her to accept the proposal.

But guys, don’t be so afraid of seeming sketchy that your leads become wimpy.  Leads are physical, and your partner depends on clear leads.  If the physicality of the lead/follow connection is on a scale of one-to-ten, avoid 0 and 1 (wimpy); avoid 9 and 10 (physically rough).

2) A man who corrects his partner.

Have you ever danced with one of these guys?  Often the first thing he does when he begins a dance is correct his partner!  “You’re doing it wrong. You have to do it this way.”  Yikes!

The clear message to most women is that he’s doing this to exert absolute control at the beginning of their dance.  It’s his way of establishing dominance, saying in effect, “This is NOT a conversation and you don’t have a voice when dancing with me, so shut up and do as you’re told.”

To be fair, this may not be his actual intent.  Maybe his teacher gave him the misguided impression that he should correct his partners if they dance differently from the Only One Way he knows.  But regardless of his intent, a correcting attitude feels disrespectful to her, so men be forwarned that she may not want to dance with you again.

A correcting attitude is usually either  (A) antisocially pedantic  or  (B) it demonstrates his inexperience, showing her that he only knows one way to dance (or only one style, or one kind of dance hold/frame).  If he thinks, “Oh I know other ways, but I think they’re all wrong,” then he’s the first version, antisocially pedantic.

An only-one-way attitude is also unrealistic.  How can anyone not understand that dancers come in different shapes, sizes and experience?  Each partner has had different teachers.  Or maybe they just picked up dancing on the fly, by diving in and seeing what works.  Different doesn’t mean wrong.  When someone has a different style from your own, try to find ways to make dancing functional, fun and social.

Women aren’t exempt from this consideration.  When a woman exhibits a correcting attitude, it’s just as bad as when a man does it.

Exceptions:  Correcting is okay of it’s to let one’s partner know if they’re hurting you, “driving dangerously” on the dance floor, or if your partner actually asks you for advice or feedback.  Some dancers do request feedback and help from their partners, so if your partner requests feedback, then yes, it’s fine and even appreciated.

3) A man who tries to pick up a woman on the dance floor.

It’s smart to assume that women come to a dance to dance, not to find a date.  If there’s an exception, she’ll find a way to let you know, but the default assumption is that she came to have fun dancing. 

    a) Don’t ask her for a date (unless she initiates or hints at it).
    b) Don’t ask the same woman for several dances unless she lets you know she wants more dances with you.
    c) If she says no to a dance, then no means no.  Period.  Don’t pester her.

Some scenes may be exceptions to this.  Some salseros have told me that their salsa club is essentially a pick-up club, and that everyone going there knows this.  OK, if that’s the understanding at a dance, fine.  But the inviolable part of this section is: if she says no, respect her wishes and don’t pester her.

4) Stinky guys (and women).

It’s amazing that some people haven’t learned the essential social skill of hygiene.  Always shower, brush your teeth, floss and use deodorant before going out dancing, including to dance classes.  And if you tend to get really sweaty, you get huge bonus points for bringing a second dry shirt to change into halfway through the dance.

Women, please don’t wear perfumes (or colognes for men) to a social dance.  Most people don’t consider it very sociable, and some have allergies to fragrances.

“Sketchy” isn’t a textbook definition, so opinions about the term vary.  Some people consider stinky dancers sketchy, while others say, “No, it’s not sketchy, it’s just disgusting.”  OK, but either way it’s not a good thing.

Who isn’t a sketchy guy?

1) My pet peeve is a few undergrad students who call a grad student “sketchy” simply because he’s a few years older.  No, being a different age doesn’t make someone sketchy, especially if he’s a good dancer and an attentive, respectful partner.

2) A man or woman with “emerging social skills” isn’t necessarily sketchy.  Everyone has to learn somewhere.  If you don’t know how to respond to someone’s social awkwardness, err on the side of patience and encouragement.  They will appreciate your kindness more than you realize!

Bottom line:

In an age of increasing divisiveness, we should try to be more tolerant and accepting of differences of any kind.  But roughness, disrespect and predatory behavior is sketchy, and isn’t welcome at a social dance.”

Excerpt from “Sketchy Guys” Musing by Richard Powers
http://socialdance.stanford.edu/syllabi/sketchy.htm

How to avoid being “Sketchy”

First, we must quickly define communication.  Communication isn’t just sending a message.  True communication happens when a message is sent, received, interpreted and responded to.  In order to communicate with someone, you must also be connected to them, otherwise, they never receive your message.  One can see how dancing is often the result of good communication between partners.  He communicates through his lead… she has to receive the message, interpret it and chooses how to respond. Then she sends her own communication back as following.  He receives the communication, interprets it, and adjusts his lead for the next communication… and the cycle repeats over and over until the song ends. 

Many times, sketchiness comes from a lack of communication.  Rough leads and rough follows may be the result of one-way communication.  Think of excessivly aggressive leading and back leading as shouting at a partner.  When was the last time you were shouted at and you enjoyed it?  Leaders and followers that are sketchy are shouting at their partners the entire dance.  Their message is ”I don’t trust you to know what you are doing,” or “I’m taking over from here!”  They have taken the away the two-way communication of a dance partnership and taken a lot of the joy out of dancing for themselves and their partners.

What can we do to communicate better?

ZeDiamond Dance Method is a unique was to learn and teach dance.  Lots of dancers worry about their feet, the counts of the music and being wrong or their partner being wrong.  Many dancers play the blame game with their partners and leave the dance floor feeling guilty.  ZeDiamond Dance Method takes that all away.  It is way to learn how to dance where making mistakes and falling out of time makes you a better dancer. 

Many dancers concentrate on learning steps and moves.  With ZeDiamond Dance Method, the focus is on feeling the rhythm of the music and connecting with your partner.  As your mind let’s go, your body relaxes and you start to dance without thinking.  You feel the dance.  You feel your partner.  And the steps just flow through you.  With ZeDiamond Dance Method Learn the East Coast Swing, you will learn to connect with your partner, communicate with your partner through leading and following and enjoy dancing with one another.  Click here to learn how ZeDiamond Dance Method is different from traditional ways of teaching swing dancing.

You will truly see how dancing is two-way communication between partner with ZeDiamond Dance Method.  Start dancing now by ordering your own 2 DVD set of ZeDiamond Dance Method Learn the East Coast Swing.

See you out on dance floor,

Amy Barnes

ZeDiamond Dance Method

 

 

When you just can’t dance one more…

I’ve been there.  I’ve been the person hiding in the back, strangely hoping and not hoping someone asks me to dance.  I’ve been too out of breath to speak, let alone dance another one.  I’ve been stepped on, had my arm wrenched, been hit by random free arms and I am now limping my way off the dance floor… just to meet the hopeful expression of a gentleman asking me, “Want-to?”

Declining a dance request is far more than, “just say no.”  You might be tired, hurt, thirsty or just not have another East Coast Swing left in you… But if all you say to the polite request to dance is, “No,” then you suddenly have a bigger problem than just sore toes.  Proper dance etiquette can help you politely decline a dance, while helping you keep or improve your chances for future dances.

Here is Paul McClure to help guide us through what could be a sticky situation at ballroom, swing or nightclub dance.

Declining A Dance

“When asked to dance, good manners dictate you say, “Yes,” at least once, unless the requesting party has overwhelming social disabilities.  Nothing shows class like a gracious acceptance of a dance from someone who may not appear to be exactly God’s gift.  Others notice.

However, if someone asks you to dance and you choose to decline, then do so without actually saying the word, “No,” and explain why you passed up the offer.  Suggestions include:

• “Let me sit this one out to catch my breath.”
• “Give me a few more dances to get up my courage.”
• “I haven’t learned that dance yet; how about a Rain Check till next time?”
• “I want to stay on the sidelines in hopes that Billy Bob will ask me to dance.”
• “I just told Billy Bob,’No,’ so I need to sit out a couple dances in order not to hurt his feelings.”

Also, when you decline a dance offer, introduce yourself and engage the petitioner in conversation for a short while so it won’t be evident to everybody in the room that you refused to dance.”

Excerpt from “Paul McClure’s Country Dance Etiquette”

Now that I have said, “No,” now what?

This is a rule of etiquette that I feel very strongly about.

Once you have turned down a dance request, you may not accept another until the current song has ended and a new song has started! 

I know what you are thinking… “But I want to dance to this song, just not with this person.  I would rather take the chance that someone better comes along and asks me.”  Well, you can do that, if you want to be known as a “dance snob.”  Though it may be fun to toy with the idea of, “I only dance with certain people,” it will quickly leave you few and far between in the partner department. 

Typically, the most popular dancers at the party are the ones who dance with the widest variety of partners.  People notice who you dance with and who you turn down. 

If there is an honest desire to dance a particular dance or song with a certain someone, ask them for that dance early, before the song is even played.  Later, when Bubba asks you to dance to your favorite swing song, you can politely say, “I’m sorry Bubba, Billy Bob already promised me this dance.  But please ask me again later.  I do want to dance with you tonight.”  Then you can run to Billy Bob guilt free (provided Billy Bob remembered that this is your song) and Bubba is not crushed.  In fact, Bubba is hunting for a new partner, and still looking forward to dancing with you down the road. 

This rule is so universal, I have been made aware of it in my travels, not just in Asheville, NC.  I have walked over to a person in the middle of a song and started chatting with them.  Then they tell me, “I would really love to dance with you, but I have already turned someone down for this song.  Can I have the next Swing with you?”  I just think to myself, “Score! One point to the polite dancer at my side.”  But I always answer, “Yes!”

But I don’t feel comfortable dancing yet…

Never fear, in time you will become more at ease on the dance floor.  Practicing at home with ZeDiamond Dance Method DVD’s will help you on your way to becoming a more confident and accomplished dancer.  It’s simple. Start with ZeDiamond Dance Method – Learn the East Coast Swing and soon you will be ready to learn how to dance other dances.

ZeDiamond Dance Method was designed not only to help you learn how to East Coast Swing, but to help you feel the rhythm of the music and connect with your dance partners.  With a little practice, you will be enjoying the music and your partner and not worrying about your feet.  Click here to watch a short video about ZeDiamond Dance Method

See you out on the dance floor,

Amy Barnes

ZeDiamond Dance Method 

The hunt is on!  We’re hunting for dance partners…

It is time, once again to talk dance etiquette.  Just learning how to dance lots of steps or having tons of swing dance moves isn’t enought to keep you swing dancing all night.  There is more to having lots of dance partners than just being the best east coast swing dancer in the room.  There is a proper way to ask someone for a dance, to decline and to accept a dance.  But we don’t need to worry about those things quite yet.  Because first we need to find someone we feel open to dancing with and hope they are open to dancing with us. 

Paul McClure is here to give us advise on scouting for dance partners.  The following is from his book, “Paul McClure’s Country Dance Etiquette”.  I know that it is written from a country dance hall perspective, but it holds true at swing parties, ballroom dances and at a nightclub dance as well.

Scouting

“When you’re ready to ask someone to dance, look for prospects flashing Wanna Dance Signals. Some are intentional and some are inadvertent, but all indicate readiness to dance.

HIS WANNA DANCE SIGNALS

1. Taking the free dance lesson
2. Removing hat, slicking down hair, putting hat back on
3. Spitting out tobacco plug
4. Munching popcorn in time to music
5. Popping Tic Tacs
6. Persuading friends to bet him that he won’t ask anybody to dance

 HER WANNA DANCE SIGNALS

1. Vigorous line dancing
2. Wearing shoes with straps or real western boots
3. Standing at an entry point to the dance floor
4. Sitting on an aisle stool or some other accessible place
5. Making eye contacting and smiling
6. Breathing

Look to those who are flashy, trashy or drunk for after-hours amusement, not dancing.  For dance partners, find people with open, sunny faces who smile a lot when they dance.  Drawing most attention are those who either dance with a variety of partners – probably the regulars – or ones who line dance enthusiastically – probably the newcomers.  Looking sad, preoccupied or desperate discourages others from attempting to penetrate your cloud.

Women can ask men to dance at a country dance hall.  Therefore, each individual chooses for himself or herself whether to watch or dance.  Cowboys relish both the notion that they might get asked to dance and the idea that the ladies can appreciate the courage it takes to ask.

If you wish to state your availability to dance, then ask an old coot to dance.  It will show you off to great advantage.  Plus, older partners usually have more refined people skills and more dance-focused social agenda.”

Excerpt from “Paul McClure’s Country Dance Etiquette”

I have seen the signs and I believe them to be true!

I have traveled all across this country and dance with people from every state and a few foreign countries too.  The Wanna Dance Signals are very universal.  They work just as well in Asheville, NC as they do Las Vegas, NV.  Ballroom dances, swing dances, night clubs and dance halls all have women and men who are there to dance… you just have to see the signals. 

Leaders, if she is breathing and at a dance, trust me, she is there to dance.  She really wants to dance if she sits near the edge of the dance floor or has learned to lead and is dancing with other women.  Even if all you know is how to East Coast Swing, an open partner will be happy to dance with you.

Too timid to consider dancing?

With ZeDiamond Dance Method Learn the East Coast Swing DVD’s, you learn at your own pace and where you feel most comfortable… at home in your kitchen or living room. Learn simple and easy East Coast Swing dance moves in your own home, before venturing out to a club, party, or dance.  Then you can take the free dance lesson at the ballroom dance or swing party with more confidence.  Once your confidence grows, you will be able to take what you have learned from ZeDiamond Dance Method and use it as a tool with while learning other dances.

If you ever find me at a dance in Asheville, NC or anywhere else in the world, please ask me to dance.  I promise I will say yes at least once.  Ballroom dance, swing dance, country western dance… it doesn’t matter – I”M HERE TO DANCE!   I WANNA DANCE!!! 

I look forward to seeing you out on the dance floor,

Amy Barnes

ZeDiamond Dance Method