Posts Tagged ‘connection’

I’m not sure you have noticed… but I’m a pregnant swing dancer.

Currently, I am 20-something weeks along and still dancing up a storm.  Well, I’m dancing up as big a storm as my dance partners will allow.  As my belly has gotten bigger, my ballroom dance connection improved for awhile.  The curve of my belly fit the curve of my husband’s belly nicely.  But now, the belly is starting to make Tango a little more interesting.   Luckily, I am a swing dancer and the versatility (and distance) of open dance position keeps me smiling and in my favorite dance shoes rather than on the sidelines of the dance floor.

I have been told that “Baby Barnes” is going to come out spoiled.  Baby Barnes will have spent 9 months in the womb being rocked for hours by all the East Coast Swing, West Coast Swing and Hustle dancing I do.  After being born, the baby will still want to be rocked (or Swing) for hours on end.

I have noticed that the baby tends to wiggle and kick when I am still.  Right now, I’m getting kicked because I’m sitting very still while writing this blog.  But get me to the ballroom or dance studio and the kicking stops soon after my first dance.  The swing dance steps and the movement of my body rocks the baby to sleep while I am working up a sweat to some very loud music.

This got me thinking about dancing with babies.  I found this article and thought I would share it with you.  Susan Peach has over 20 years experience as a Latin dance and fitness instructor. She is also the creator of Mambo Moms, a fun and gentle Latin dance based fitness program that helps new moms get back in shape while spending quality play time with their babies.  http://www.mambomoms.com

Shared Dancing has Benefits for Babies and New Moms Alike

by PregnancyAdmin on May 5, 2009

“Shared Dancing has Benefits for Babies and New Moms Alike

Every parent knows the calming effects on their baby of rocking and gentle motion. After all, who among us has not paced the floor at 2 am trying to entice a little one back to sleep by rocking, bouncing or swaying?

I want to continue our discussion on personal improvement.  We all now know why our shoes stink.  But there are other concerns that still keep us socially awkward at swing parties and ballroom dances.

You know me, I’m a stickler for dance etiquette.  I don’t need to be the best East Coast Swing dancer in the room.  But when I dance with someone, I do have a goal.  It’s not to out dance my partner or show everyone how cool I am.  My goal is for my partner to end the dance with a smile on their face and thinking, “I really enjoyed that.  Swing dancing with her is fun.”  Mind you,  I have the same expectation for my dance partner.  I want to end the dance smiling after enjoying dancing with them too.

But every so often, you dance with a “Sketchy Guy” or a “Sketchy Girl”.  After dancing with a sketchy dancer, it can be very hard to walk away with a smile on your face.  Many times, it is hard to enjoy dancing with a sketchy dancer.

 We have all been guilty of the behaviors bellow.  We have all done things that can be thought of as “sketchy”.  But what we need to do, is recognize our sketchiness, laugh at it, learn from it and then stop doing it.  Nobody wants to be described as “You know, that sketchy swing dancer, over there.”

Please enjoy the musings of Richard Powers.  Richard has been teaching contemporary and historic social dance for over thirty years.  He leads workshops around the world and is currently a full-time instructor at Stanford University’s Dance Division.

“This is a touchy topic because I don’t want to speak dismissively of anyone who loves to dance.  However it’s an important topic to many women who complain about “sketchy guys” at dances, so that makes it worth discussing.

What is a sketchy guy?

“OK, that’s a sexist term.  So let’s say that any woman who acts this way is a “sketchy girl.”  But somehow we see more males than females behaving this way on the dance floor.

A sketchy guy is…

1) Any man who is physically rough with his partner, who hauls his partner though steps and figures.

As you already know… a good lead knows and cares what is comfortable for his partner.  He cares what is pleasurable or fun for her, as opposed to just showing off, or using her as an accessory to his ego.

A considerate man dances for his partner’s ability and comfort; sketchy guys don’t.

A good lead clearly suggests an option, which is different from controlling her.  He proposes, not prescribes, a certain way of moving to his partner.  If his partner does not go with his proposal (does not ‘follow’), he adapts to her motion instead of exerting more power to press her to accept the proposal.

But guys, don’t be so afraid of seeming sketchy that your leads become wimpy.  Leads are physical, and your partner depends on clear leads.  If the physicality of the lead/follow connection is on a scale of one-to-ten, avoid 0 and 1 (wimpy); avoid 9 and 10 (physically rough).

2) A man who corrects his partner.

Have you ever danced with one of these guys?  Often the first thing he does when he begins a dance is correct his partner!  “You’re doing it wrong. You have to do it this way.”  Yikes!

The clear message to most women is that he’s doing this to exert absolute control at the beginning of their dance.  It’s his way of establishing dominance, saying in effect, “This is NOT a conversation and you don’t have a voice when dancing with me, so shut up and do as you’re told.”

To be fair, this may not be his actual intent.  Maybe his teacher gave him the misguided impression that he should correct his partners if they dance differently from the Only One Way he knows.  But regardless of his intent, a correcting attitude feels disrespectful to her, so men be forwarned that she may not want to dance with you again.

A correcting attitude is usually either  (A) antisocially pedantic  or  (B) it demonstrates his inexperience, showing her that he only knows one way to dance (or only one style, or one kind of dance hold/frame).  If he thinks, “Oh I know other ways, but I think they’re all wrong,” then he’s the first version, antisocially pedantic.

An only-one-way attitude is also unrealistic.  How can anyone not understand that dancers come in different shapes, sizes and experience?  Each partner has had different teachers.  Or maybe they just picked up dancing on the fly, by diving in and seeing what works.  Different doesn’t mean wrong.  When someone has a different style from your own, try to find ways to make dancing functional, fun and social.

Women aren’t exempt from this consideration.  When a woman exhibits a correcting attitude, it’s just as bad as when a man does it.

Exceptions:  Correcting is okay of it’s to let one’s partner know if they’re hurting you, “driving dangerously” on the dance floor, or if your partner actually asks you for advice or feedback.  Some dancers do request feedback and help from their partners, so if your partner requests feedback, then yes, it’s fine and even appreciated.

3) A man who tries to pick up a woman on the dance floor.

It’s smart to assume that women come to a dance to dance, not to find a date.  If there’s an exception, she’ll find a way to let you know, but the default assumption is that she came to have fun dancing. 

    a) Don’t ask her for a date (unless she initiates or hints at it).
    b) Don’t ask the same woman for several dances unless she lets you know she wants more dances with you.
    c) If she says no to a dance, then no means no.  Period.  Don’t pester her.

Some scenes may be exceptions to this.  Some salseros have told me that their salsa club is essentially a pick-up club, and that everyone going there knows this.  OK, if that’s the understanding at a dance, fine.  But the inviolable part of this section is: if she says no, respect her wishes and don’t pester her.

4) Stinky guys (and women).

It’s amazing that some people haven’t learned the essential social skill of hygiene.  Always shower, brush your teeth, floss and use deodorant before going out dancing, including to dance classes.  And if you tend to get really sweaty, you get huge bonus points for bringing a second dry shirt to change into halfway through the dance.

Women, please don’t wear perfumes (or colognes for men) to a social dance.  Most people don’t consider it very sociable, and some have allergies to fragrances.

“Sketchy” isn’t a textbook definition, so opinions about the term vary.  Some people consider stinky dancers sketchy, while others say, “No, it’s not sketchy, it’s just disgusting.”  OK, but either way it’s not a good thing.

Who isn’t a sketchy guy?

1) My pet peeve is a few undergrad students who call a grad student “sketchy” simply because he’s a few years older.  No, being a different age doesn’t make someone sketchy, especially if he’s a good dancer and an attentive, respectful partner.

2) A man or woman with “emerging social skills” isn’t necessarily sketchy.  Everyone has to learn somewhere.  If you don’t know how to respond to someone’s social awkwardness, err on the side of patience and encouragement.  They will appreciate your kindness more than you realize!

Bottom line:

In an age of increasing divisiveness, we should try to be more tolerant and accepting of differences of any kind.  But roughness, disrespect and predatory behavior is sketchy, and isn’t welcome at a social dance.”

Excerpt from “Sketchy Guys” Musing by Richard Powers
http://socialdance.stanford.edu/syllabi/sketchy.htm

How to avoid being “Sketchy”

First, we must quickly define communication.  Communication isn’t just sending a message.  True communication happens when a message is sent, received, interpreted and responded to.  In order to communicate with someone, you must also be connected to them, otherwise, they never receive your message.  One can see how dancing is often the result of good communication between partners.  He communicates through his lead… she has to receive the message, interpret it and chooses how to respond. Then she sends her own communication back as following.  He receives the communication, interprets it, and adjusts his lead for the next communication… and the cycle repeats over and over until the song ends. 

Many times, sketchiness comes from a lack of communication.  Rough leads and rough follows may be the result of one-way communication.  Think of excessivly aggressive leading and back leading as shouting at a partner.  When was the last time you were shouted at and you enjoyed it?  Leaders and followers that are sketchy are shouting at their partners the entire dance.  Their message is ”I don’t trust you to know what you are doing,” or “I’m taking over from here!”  They have taken the away the two-way communication of a dance partnership and taken a lot of the joy out of dancing for themselves and their partners.

What can we do to communicate better?

ZeDiamond Dance Method is a unique was to learn and teach dance.  Lots of dancers worry about their feet, the counts of the music and being wrong or their partner being wrong.  Many dancers play the blame game with their partners and leave the dance floor feeling guilty.  ZeDiamond Dance Method takes that all away.  It is way to learn how to dance where making mistakes and falling out of time makes you a better dancer. 

Many dancers concentrate on learning steps and moves.  With ZeDiamond Dance Method, the focus is on feeling the rhythm of the music and connecting with your partner.  As your mind let’s go, your body relaxes and you start to dance without thinking.  You feel the dance.  You feel your partner.  And the steps just flow through you.  With ZeDiamond Dance Method Learn the East Coast Swing, you will learn to connect with your partner, communicate with your partner through leading and following and enjoy dancing with one another.  Click here to learn how ZeDiamond Dance Method is different from traditional ways of teaching swing dancing.

You will truly see how dancing is two-way communication between partner with ZeDiamond Dance Method.  Start dancing now by ordering your own 2 DVD set of ZeDiamond Dance Method Learn the East Coast Swing.

See you out on dance floor,

Amy Barnes

ZeDiamond Dance Method

 

 

“The Sideline – Where folks cluster to eat, drink and be merry”

“The sideline encompasses dance hall territory where folks congregate to eat, drink and visit.  Although this turf includes dancers sitting out between dances, it also has its own special array of wildlife.

Many of these sideliners are evolving through the pre-dance phase of their development.  They are watching the dancers, observing the dress, learning the protocol and acclimating to the environment.  After a few visits and a period of observation, sideliners usually join the dance lessons.

Species you might find lurking on the sideline include:

• Cowboys – Choose to work on the look before moving to the dance, and got it right… have ready ripostes to avoid dancing should they actually get asked.
• Furballs – Conceal bald spot under an expensive hat; favor beards; wear flimsy, unbuttoned shirts; prefer shirt ripped off so their hair shoulders can be admired; ladies say they feel like warm loofahs.
• Groupies – Adore band members, or occasionally regular dancers, with obsessive intensity; rarely dance themselves; sit perfectly still staring at the band or dancers; nurse drinks.
• Lounge Lizards – Sport white shoes, assisted hair, polyester shirts and enough neck chains to compose a Mr. “T” starter kit; close personal friends with bartenders; surrounded by an alcoholic haze and cigarette smoke.
• Greenhorns- Read about dancing in the newspaper; sit alone looking dazed; suffering from a recent broken relationship… if you give them an advertising flyer about upcoming lessons, they will attend and never forget you.
• Stool Hounds – Get carded (asked for ID to prove they are of drinking age) by doorman; drink beer; wear baseball caps, T-shirts and tennis shoes; sit in groups, but very little conversation; learning the ropes of sociability; served free coffee by the end of the evening.
• Suits – In from out of town; on expense accounts; stay at airport hotels; arrive at the dance hall by taxi; remove coat and tie to look more country; may roll up shirtsleeves so French cuffs aren’t so apparent; hoping to get lucky; won’t.”

Excerpt from “Paul McClure’s Country Dance Etiquette” by Paul McClure

Why are the people on the sideline so important?

Because silly, we all used to be one. 

These are the people on the edge. 

They are the ”dying to dance, but hoping nobody will ask me,” people. 

Perhaps they want to dance, but they don’t know how. 

Maybe they are beginner dancers that just need a little confidence boost.  Sometimes it takes all their courage to get in the door and there is little courage left for the dance floor.

We have all been there.  The difference between the Sideliners and Regular Dancers are the amount of miles collected in trips around the dance floor. 

We all have to get started dancing somewhere… why not here?

Though it is hard for some beginner dancers to believe, nobody has been dancing since birth.  Not a single dancer got their start in the womb.  I’ll let you know if that happens, but for now… my baby has yet to “Boom A Boom” correctly in my belly. 

Many great social swing and ballroom dancers did not start dancing until they are adults.  Not long ago, they were Sideliners too.  But they found a way to learn how to dance, stuck with it and in time became the life of the party.

One way to help you get off the sideline and on to the dance floor is to learn at home with a “Learn how to dance” DVD.  With ZeDiamond Dance Method – Learn the East Coast Swing DVD’s, you could be up and dancing in less than 90 minutes.  Once you master the basics of rhythm, connection and a few simple dance moves in East Coast Swing, you will be out on that dance floor enjoying yourself, the music and your partner.  After that, their is no turning back.  You will have transformed from a Sideliner to a Regular Dancer and soon will be the envy of other Sideliners. 

 See you out on the dance floor,

Amy Barnes

ZeDiamond Dance Method

Once you have been dancing awhile, you can spot dancers in a crowd. 

You look for the tell-tale swing dancer signs.  Wearing dance shoes in public, carrying a shoe bag rather than a hand bag, chewing gum in time to background music, bobbing head and making miniature leading movements… these are all things that separate swing dancers from the non-dancers in a room.

But once you are at the swing dance… That’s when the people watching really starts to get fun!

Leave it to Paul McClure to classify and organize the people you will see out on the dance floor, East Coast Swing dancing or otherwise cutting a rug.

“The following field guide to couples’ dance styles covers dancers regularly encountered on the dance floor at most large dance halls.  You may want to take this guide with you dancing, much as you might take your Audubon’s Guide on a bird watching expedition, to see how many species you can spot.

• Bobbers – Nod heads up and down in time to music; rarely out of time; have gift to avoid vertigo; vague kinship to ceramic dogs riding on rear window panels.
• Danceaholics – Drip sweat; dance every dance; never leave the floor… have repertoire of line dances for emergencies.
• Doubletimers – Takes twice as many steps per beat of music as other dancers; [They] look down at floor and don’t bother with turns…
• Flat Footers – Dance well without ever appearing to move their feet; in West Coast [they] look like traffic cops directing cars up and down the street. 
• Floor Hogs- Careen around the dance floor with feet, elbows and body parts a’flying; often add excitement with unexpected stops and sudden lurches sideways; observers develop inexplicable desire to play pinball.
• Goat Ropers – [They] proceed straight down line of dance with no change in speed or line; constantly turn ladies, who get to run over and back, up and down and side to side; guys never tire; not so for partners.
• Hand Jobbers- Overflow with fancy turns from strong-armed but ambiguous leads; view dancing as a contest to see if they can catch partners with unfollowable moves; requires a steady supply of polite partners.
• Jigglers- Move entire bodies up and down on each beat of music; have good coordination as many things seem to be happening at once; compare to Bobbers whose heads only go up on the upbeat and down on the down beat.
• Pumpers – Pump hands up and down in time with footwork; extended arms drop down on man’s left step and rise on his right step; few turns since the arms are otherwise occupied.
• Skaters- Dance smoooothly; when the dancers’ feet aren’t visible, their smoothness and constant speed make them appear to be on skates; the most riveting style for spectators to watch
• Wannabe Instructors- offer constant criticism and instruction to partners while dancing, even when total strangers, especially when total strangers; pester more advanced dancers to teach them moves while social dancing in heavy traffic; feelings not easily hurt.
• Wrestlers – Concentrate on developing moves before fundamentals; able to steer wrestle any lady into any position on any foot; boosts liniment sales.

Excerpt from “Paul McClure’s Country Dance Etiquette” by Paul McClure

Wait a minute. Could I be on that list?

As much fun as it is spot the above dancers and their tell-tale signs, we laugh because we see them as true… and inside each and everyone of us.  Some of the habits and signs present themselves now in a minimal fashion, but as beginners we were all brimming with them. 

It is hard to escape being a “Pumper” or a “Bobber” when you first learn the East Coast Swing.  Beginner swing dancers often resemble children acting out “I’m a little tea pot” when tipping from side to side.  Trouble with rhythm turns dancers into “Double Timers,” who speed up out of fear of falling behind or ”Flat Footers,” who have given-up on keeping in time to the music or are so worried about getting the arms right, that they stop moving their feet altogether.

Many of the these funny dance styles and habits develop because the dancer is not grounded or centered in the dance.  Other habits develop because of a lack of connection and ability to communicate with a dance partner.  There is away to learn how to dance that not only teaches you dance steps, but helps you to feel more centered, gounded and connected to your partners.  It is called ZeDiamond Dance Method.   

Learning to dance is so much more than just knowing a bunch of dance moves or dance steps. Traditional methods of teaching dance are analytical rely on teaching the mind, not the body.  With ZeDiamond Dance Method – Learn the East Coast Swing DVD’s, you learn how to feel the rhythm of East Coast Swing and the music though your body.  This frees up the mind and allows you to enjoy dancing without thinking about what you are doing.  Click here to learn about the history of ZeDiamond Dance Method and how it was developed.

Deborah-Marie Diamond and Zeki Maviyildiz created ZeDiamond Dance Method because of what they saw in thier local ballroom dance community of Asheville, NC.  They saw not only beginner ballroom dancers who struggled with rhythm, but people who had been dancing for years that still struggled with rhythm as well. 

This got them thinking.  As a result, they created a new way to teach dance that taught how to feel the rhythm of the music while teaching easy to learn East Coast Swing dance steps… And ZeDiamond Dance Method was born. 

Do you think ZeDiamond Dance Method could be for you?  Click here to see if it is right for you.  You can also read what other swing and ballroom dancers have said about ZeDiamond Dance Method by clicking here.

This reformed bobber, danceaholic and jiggler (somedays more reformed than others) looks forward to seeing you out on the dance floor.

Amy Barnes

ZeDiamond Dance Method