Dads and Dancing - Do they mix?

Growing up, I only saw my father exhibit two styles of dancing, slow dancing and the Twist.  Both were usually done in the kitchen, while cooking with music on.  Mom was always there for the slow dance, but the Twist could happen at any time with anyone.  Up until 2007, that was the only dancing I ever saw come out of him. 

In 2007 some big changes happened.  My parents, my husband and I all moved to Asheville, NC.  For the first time since I moved away for college, I was living within a handful of miles from my parents.  Jason and I were also planning our wedding back in Minnesota.  A wedding full of dancing, thrown by swing and ballroom dancers and attended by lots and lots of swing and ballroom dancing friends and family.  Did I mention that there was going to be Swing and Ballroom dancing at the wedding?

The entire wedding reception was focused on dancing.  We rented Cinema Ballroom in Saint Paul to host the big reception swing dance party.  We served finger foods and mini desserts rather than a sit down dinner because we wanted more time for dancing.  But there was one little detail about the reception that was making me nervous… The Father/Daughter Dance.

As a rule, my dad did not dance outside of that kitchen.  I was even told by my mom that they almost didn’t go to Prom because my father disliked dancing that much.  What was I going to do?  I started pleading with my dad, “Just learn 3 little Waltz patterns.  That’s all I ask.  I just want to dance a simple Waltz with you at the wedding.”

Dance Lessons with Dad

Dad ordered an instructional ballroom dance DVD off the Internet and started working through it with Mom.  Mom was happy to be dancing again.  But the big test was learning how to dance with me.  After a few private dance lessons, I was very impressed with Dad and his new found dancing ability.  And the funny thing was, he was starting to enjoy dancing.  He enjoyed it so much, he learned more than just the 3 little Waltz patterns that I wanted him to learn.  That night, at the wedding reception dance, he and I waltzed all the way around the big floor.  It was just as I had dreamed.  He smiled his proud smile at me.  He turned me every time the song lyrics said “turn around”.  My mom cried a little.  It was perfect.  He was dancing with me and we were loving it.

Dancing for life

After the wedding, my parents started taking beginner group ballroom dance lessons.  And Dad loved it.  He took my mom out dancing.  They went to weekend ballroom dances.  Dad was officially wearing Mom out on the dance floor. 

“You have created a monster,” my mother told me one day.  “And the monster’s favorite dance is Cha Cha!”

Though things have slowed down for them, I think they are still dancing and enjoying each other.  Most of their dancing is in the kitchen and living room now… but it has evolved to higher level than the Twist.  By learning to dance, Dad made two women, who love him, very happy.  And he did not know he was going to like dancing so much!!!

Can your dad learn to dance?

You bet he can!!!  He can learn to dance with you, at home by dancing along with an instructional dance DVD.  ZeDiamond Dance Method Learn the East Coast Swing can be your first dance lesson with Dad, right in the comfort of your own home. 

Do you live in the Asheville, NC area?  You, Dad and the entire wedding party can take dance lessons together at our Wedding Inspired Dance Lessons.  Come join us and other brides and grooms as we prepare you to dance beautifully on your wedding night, your honeymoon and the rest of your lives.

See you out on the dance floor,

Amy Barnes

ZeDiamond Dance Method

You can almost hear the eyes rolling in my husbands head.  “Whatever you want,” is the response I get on most days, which really doesn’t help me that much.  Without fail, the holy grail of outfits is either wet and still in the washer or dry, but lost somewhere in a pile of dirty clothes.

Now mind you, I am sure I make this a lot harder than it needs to be.  My husband and I are one of those “Matchy Matchy” couples.  We are our own accessories.  You will rarely see one of us in jeans and the other in dress pants.  We dress at the same level of formality and usually in the same color scheme.  We do have matching shirts and for the shirts that don’t match, my husband has ties that match my shirts. 

So why am I a mess?  With pregnancy and growing bellies comes a whole new outlook on wardrobing.  My wardrobe has also gotten much smaller in the past weeks.  I don’t fit in many of our matching outfits anymore.  Plus, different events call for different levels of formality in dressing.   You thought learning to dance was the hard part?  Finding the right outfit to wear to the dance is the next challenge.

As you enter the world of ballroom and swing dance, you will notice that not all events have the same level of formality or dress code.  Gala Balls have a different dress code than practice parties.  Theme parties and dances (WHICH I LOVE) require a little more thought and preparation than weeknight group classes.  Below is an excerpt from “Elements of Dance Etiquette” by Aria Nosratinia.   Aria has provided a wonderful guide to the various levels of formality that you find in the dance world.  Aria has also provided tips on dressing for comfort and safety… a must for all dancers

What to Wear?

Protocol:

The more formal the dance, the more formal the outfit. For example, if you are invited to a formal charity ball, anything less than a tuxedo for men or ball gown for women would be inappropriate. On the other hand, at a dance lesson at your local studio, there is usually no need to dress formally.

This is not as hard as it may seem; a little common sense goes a long way. Also, if in doubt, follow the crowd! See what others do and follow suit. If all else fails, you can always ask the dance organizers about the dress code.

Below I give a guideline and explanation for dress code, which you may see on invitations and announcements, as well as a general idea of what to wear at different dance venues.

• White tie: White tie is the most formal category of dressing. For the gentleman, it means a black tailcoat with matching trousers trimmed by ribbon of braid or satin on the outside of each trouser leg, a white pique’ tie, white pique’ single or double-breasted vest, and a wing-collar shirt with a stiff pique’ front. White gloves are nice optional accessories for gentlemen. The lady appears in a ball gown, which is an evening dress with a full skirt, possibly with open back and low neck line. Elbow-length gloves are a nice addition for the lady.
•  Black tie: Gentlemen in black tuxedo coat, trousers trimmed with satin ribbon along the outside of the legs, cummerband and bow tie. The phrase “black tie” does not refer to the color of the tie. In fact colorful ties (with matching cummerbands) are very popular. Ladies appear in ball gowns.
•  Black tie optional: Same as above, except gentlemen have the option of wearing a regular suit with a tie (bow tie preferred), and ladies wear a cocktail gown or dinner dress. Long to full-length skirts are preferred; short skirts are not recommended.
•  Formal: Gentlemen in suit and tie (nowadays a sport coat is often an acceptable replacement for a full suit), ladies in cocktail gown or evening dress.
•  Semi-formal: Gentlemen in dress slacks with dress shirt and tie, jacket is optional. Other options include a vest or a sweater that shows the tie. At the lower end of formality, these events can be attended without a tie, e.g. with a turtleneck and jacket. Ladies in evening dress or dinner dress, but other chic outfits are also acceptable (like flowing pants, etc.)
•  Dressy Casual: Applies to most practice dances, workshops, and dance lessons. Gentlemen can wear coton slacks with solid color T-shirt, turtleneck, mock turtleneck, or polo shirt. Ladies have a much wider set of clothing options. Use your imagination and sense of fashion. In general this is a conservative and toned-down appearance that has grown increasingly popular on the dance floors. Don’t forget your dance shoes!
•  Country/Western: Country western attire has variations across the country, but generally it is acceptable to go in blue or black jeans (not stone-washed) and cowboy boots. Make sure that the boots will not mark the dance floor. If you wear a hat, it may be a good idea to take it off when going on the floor. Note that country western folks can be very sensitive about their hats. It is improper to touch or otherwise handle someone’s hat, even if it sits on a table. For a lady to pick up and put on a gentleman’s hat is considered very flirtatious.
•  Milongas: (Argentine Tango) For both ladies and gentlemen, black or dark themes are preferred.
•  Latin: This refers to venues that specialize in Salsa, Merengue, Cumbia, etc. For gentlemen, any button-up shirt, solid T-shirt or mock turtleneck, dress slacks, and dance shoes. Jackets are nice, but a vest can be even more stylish. Unlike most other dance venues, bright and colorful outfits for gentlemen are acceptable, although dark themes are more common. Ladies can (and often do) wear sexy outfits: both short skirts and longer slit skirts are popular. Low necklines and exposed midriffs are not uncommon.
•  Swing: There are no strict rules for swing outfits. Both the Gentleman and the Lady wear outfits that are reasonably neat and chic, although often not very formal. Many types of swing are fast-paced and athletic, so wearing suitable clothing is essential. For example, the Lady would be well advised to stay away from short, tight skirts. See also the next section on Comfort and Safety. A cute trend, especially in Lindy Hop circles, is to wear vintage outfits from the 1930’s and 40’s. But this is not done everywhere and is not at all a requirement.

Comfort and safety:

Wear clothing that makes it easy and enjoyable to dance, both for yourself and your partner.

• Regardless of how informal the dance is, always wear dance shoes. Do not wear sneakers or other shoes with rubber or spongy soles. They can stick to the floor during turns and spins and cause ankle and knee injuries.
•  Avoid sleeveless shirts and strapped dresses, especially for active dancing: It is not pleasant to have to touch the damp skin of a partner.
•  Sleeves that are baggy or cut low in the armpit are not a good idea, especially in Latin and swing dancing, because dancers need access to partner’s back, and hands may get caught in baggy sleeves.
•  Accessories like big rings, watches, brooches, loose/long necklaces, and big belt buckles can be dangerous. They can catch in partner’s clothing, scratch and bruise.
•  Gentlemen: if you have no place to leave your keys and loose change, carry them in the *left* pocket of your trousers. This makes it less likely to bruise your partner.
•  Long hair should be put up or tied in a pony tail. It is difficult to get into closed dance position when the lady has long flowing hair (hair gets caught in gentleman’s right hand). It is also not fun to be hit in the face with flying hair during turns and spins. “

Excerpt from ”Elements of Dance Etiquette” byAria Nosratinia
http://www.utdallas.edu/~aria/dance/etiquette.html#Groom 

The Excuse to get Dressed-Up

Many times, people learn to dance so they have an excuse to get dressed-up and get out of the house.  Whether it is “date night” for a couple, a way to meet local single people in your community, or just an excuse to wear fabulous clothes, learning to dance can open all kinds of social doors as well as wardrobe and closet doors for you too. 

I know there are people out there that just don’t want to get dressed up.  They are content to wear sweat pants, dirty jeans, track suits, or yoga wear 24/7.  Many use the lack of clothing in their closets as a reason not to take dance classes or learn how to dance.  Just because everyone is wearing a ballgown in the movies, doesn’t mean everyone wears a ballgown to the Friday night dance.  Expensive costumes are not required to enjoy yourself out on the dance floor.

With ZeDiamond Dance Method, you don’t need to worry about what you are going to wear.  With ZeDiamond Dance Method Learn the East Coast Swing 2 DVD set, you will be learning to swing dance in the privacy of your own home.  You can wear what ever you feel most comfortable in.  Socks, Pajamas, ratty old chinos, and denim shirts are perfect for learning how to swing dance at home.  Once you gain confidence in you new found dance skills, you may feel more comfortable getting a little spruced up and going out to a swing party or ballroom dance.

Click here to watch a video clip from ZeDiamond Dance Method Learn the East Coast Swing.  The students in the class are college kids and are dressed as such.  Do you think they are going to let a little thing like clothing come between them and good time out swing dancing with friends?  I think not.  You should not either.

So ignore the wet and dirty clothing, like I have.  Find a clean pair of black pants, a bright colored shirt and go out and have a great time.  Even though I learned to ballroom dance just so I had an excuse to wear a ballgown, I am lucky if I wear my ballgown twice a year.  But my black swing pants have taken me everywhere else I have wanted to go dancing in Asheville, NC and all over the country. 

See you out on the dance floor,

Amy Barnes

ZeDiamond Dance Method

“The sideline encompasses dance hall territory where folks congregate to eat, drink and visit.  Although this turf includes dancers sitting out between dances, it also has its own special array of wildlife.

Many of these sideliners are evolving through the pre-dance phase of their development.  They are watching the dancers, observing the dress, learning the protocol and acclimating to the environment.  After a few visits and a period of observation, sideliners usually join the dance lessons.

Species you might find lurking on the sideline include:

• Cowboys – Choose to work on the look before moving to the dance, and got it right… have ready ripostes to avoid dancing should they actually get asked.
• Furballs – Conceal bald spot under an expensive hat; favor beards; wear flimsy, unbuttoned shirts; prefer shirt ripped off so their hair shoulders can be admired; ladies say they feel like warm loofahs.
• Groupies – Adore band members, or occasionally regular dancers, with obsessive intensity; rarely dance themselves; sit perfectly still staring at the band or dancers; nurse drinks.
• Lounge Lizards – Sport white shoes, assisted hair, polyester shirts and enough neck chains to compose a Mr. “T” starter kit; close personal friends with bartenders; surrounded by an alcoholic haze and cigarette smoke.
• Greenhorns- Read about dancing in the newspaper; sit alone looking dazed; suffering from a recent broken relationship… if you give them an advertising flyer about upcoming lessons, they will attend and never forget you.
• Stool Hounds – Get carded (asked for ID to prove they are of drinking age) by doorman; drink beer; wear baseball caps, T-shirts and tennis shoes; sit in groups, but very little conversation; learning the ropes of sociability; served free coffee by the end of the evening.
• Suits – In from out of town; on expense accounts; stay at airport hotels; arrive at the dance hall by taxi; remove coat and tie to look more country; may roll up shirtsleeves so French cuffs aren’t so apparent; hoping to get lucky; won’t.”

Excerpt from “Paul McClure’s Country Dance Etiquette” by Paul McClure

Why are the people on the sideline so important?

Because silly, we all used to be one. 

These are the people on the edge. 

They are the ”dying to dance, but hoping nobody will ask me,” people. 

Perhaps they want to dance, but they don’t know how. 

Maybe they are beginner dancers that just need a little confidence boost.  Sometimes it takes all their courage to get in the door and there is little courage left for the dance floor.

We have all been there.  The difference between the Sideliners and Regular Dancers are the amount of miles collected in trips around the dance floor. 

We all have to get started dancing somewhere… why not here?

Though it is hard for some beginner dancers to believe, nobody has been dancing since birth.  Not a single dancer got their start in the womb.  I’ll let you know if that happens, but for now… my baby has yet to “Boom A Boom” correctly in my belly. 

Many great social swing and ballroom dancers did not start dancing until they are adults.  Not long ago, they were Sideliners too.  But they found a way to learn how to dance, stuck with it and in time became the life of the party.

One way to help you get off the sideline and on to the dance floor is to learn at home with a “Learn how to dance” DVD.  With ZeDiamond Dance Method – Learn the East Coast Swing DVD’s, you could be up and dancing in less than 90 minutes.  Once you master the basics of rhythm, connection and a few simple dance moves in East Coast Swing, you will be out on that dance floor enjoying yourself, the music and your partner.  After that, their is no turning back.  You will have transformed from a Sideliner to a Regular Dancer and soon will be the envy of other Sideliners. 

 See you out on the dance floor,

Amy Barnes

ZeDiamond Dance Method

You look for the tell-tale swing dancer signs.  Wearing dance shoes in public, carrying a shoe bag rather than a hand bag, chewing gum in time to background music, bobbing head and making miniature leading movements… these are all things that separate swing dancers from the non-dancers in a room.

But once you are at the swing dance… That’s when the people watching really starts to get fun!

Leave it to Paul McClure to classify and organize the people you will see out on the dance floor, East Coast Swing dancing or otherwise cutting a rug.

“The following field guide to couples’ dance styles covers dancers regularly encountered on the dance floor at most large dance halls.  You may want to take this guide with you dancing, much as you might take your Audubon’s Guide on a bird watching expedition, to see how many species you can spot.

• Bobbers – Nod heads up and down in time to music; rarely out of time; have gift to avoid vertigo; vague kinship to ceramic dogs riding on rear window panels.
• Danceaholics – Drip sweat; dance every dance; never leave the floor… have repertoire of line dances for emergencies.
• Doubletimers – Takes twice as many steps per beat of music as other dancers; [They] look down at floor and don’t bother with turns…
• Flat Footers – Dance well without ever appearing to move their feet; in West Coast [they] look like traffic cops directing cars up and down the street. 
• Floor Hogs- Careen around the dance floor with feet, elbows and body parts a’flying; often add excitement with unexpected stops and sudden lurches sideways; observers develop inexplicable desire to play pinball.
• Goat Ropers – [They] proceed straight down line of dance with no change in speed or line; constantly turn ladies, who get to run over and back, up and down and side to side; guys never tire; not so for partners.
• Hand Jobbers- Overflow with fancy turns from strong-armed but ambiguous leads; view dancing as a contest to see if they can catch partners with unfollowable moves; requires a steady supply of polite partners.
• Jigglers- Move entire bodies up and down on each beat of music; have good coordination as many things seem to be happening at once; compare to Bobbers whose heads only go up on the upbeat and down on the down beat.
• Pumpers – Pump hands up and down in time with footwork; extended arms drop down on man’s left step and rise on his right step; few turns since the arms are otherwise occupied.
• Skaters- Dance smoooothly; when the dancers’ feet aren’t visible, their smoothness and constant speed make them appear to be on skates; the most riveting style for spectators to watch
• Wannabe Instructors- offer constant criticism and instruction to partners while dancing, even when total strangers, especially when total strangers; pester more advanced dancers to teach them moves while social dancing in heavy traffic; feelings not easily hurt.
• Wrestlers – Concentrate on developing moves before fundamentals; able to steer wrestle any lady into any position on any foot; boosts liniment sales.

Excerpt from “Paul McClure’s Country Dance Etiquette” by Paul McClure

Wait a minute. Could I be on that list?

Amy and Jason Barnes cutting a rug

As much fun as it is spot the above dancers and their tell-tale signs, we laugh because we see them as true… and inside each and everyone of us.  Some of the habits and signs present themselves now in a minimal fashion, but as beginners we were all brimming with them. 

It is hard to escape being a “Pumper” or a “Bobber” when you first learn the East Coast Swing.  Beginner swing dancers often resemble children acting out “I’m a little tea pot” when tipping from side to side.  Trouble with rhythm turns dancers into “Double Timers,” who speed up out of fear of falling behind or ”Flat Footers,” who have given-up on keeping in time to the music or are so worried about getting the arms right, that they stop moving their feet altogether.

Many of the these funny dance styles and habits develop because the dancer is not grounded or centered in the dance.  Other habits develop because of a lack of connection and ability to communicate with a dance partner.  There is away to learn how to dance that not only teaches you dance steps, but helps you to feel more centered, gounded and connected to your partners.  It is called ZeDiamond Dance Method.   

Learning to dance is so much more than just knowing a bunch of dance moves or dance steps. Traditional methods of teaching dance are analytical rely on teaching the mind, not the body.  With ZeDiamond Dance Method – Learn the East Coast Swing DVD’s, you learn how to feel the rhythm of East Coast Swing and the music though your body.  This frees up the mind and allows you to enjoy dancing without thinking about what you are doing.  Click here to learn about the history of ZeDiamond Dance Method and how it was developed.

Deborah-Marie Diamond and Zeki Maviyildiz created ZeDiamond Dance Method because of what they saw in thier local ballroom dance community of Asheville, NC.  They saw not only beginner ballroom dancers who struggled with rhythm, but people who had been dancing for years that still struggled with rhythm as well. 

This got them thinking.  As a result, they created a new way to teach dance that taught how to feel the rhythm of the music while teaching easy to learn East Coast Swing dance steps… And ZeDiamond Dance Method was born. 

Do you think ZeDiamond Dance Method could be for you?  Click here to see if it is right for you.  You can also read what other swing and ballroom dancers have said about ZeDiamond Dance Method by clicking here.

This reformed bobber, danceaholic and jiggler (somedays more reformed than others) looks forward to seeing you out on the dance floor.

Amy Barnes

ZeDiamond Dance Method 

Amy and Jason Barnes cutting a rug

In the beginning, you are taught East Coast Swing steps…

As a beginner dancer, you attend social dances, how to dance workshops, use ZeDiamond Dance Method and may even take private lessons with an instructor on your journey to learn how to swing dance.  You work hard to learn East Coast Swing dance steps and swing dance moves.  You watch dance videos and DVD’s at home and practice in your kitchen.  You dream of the day when you will wow your friends with your new found swing dance skills on the dance floor.  However, in the rush of learning how to be a better East Coast Swing dancer, sometimes learning dance etiquette for around the dance floor, gets lost in the shuffle.  It doesn’t matter how great an East Coast Swing dancer you are, or how many swing dance moves you know, without the proper etiquette, you will get lost in social situations and miss out on dancing with others.

 In a previous blog, I introduced you to my favorite dance book, “Paul McClure’s Country Dance Etiquette.”  Though this book was written with a country dance perspective, I find it very relevant in other dance venues.  McClure’s dance etiquette is not limited to country bars and wearers of blue jeans with cowboy hats.  Swing dancers, ballroom dancers and nightclub dancers would all benefit from McClure’s wisdom.  McClure uses humor and honesty to deliver some much-needed lessons in etiquette to the dance community.  Some of my favorite pieces of advice are the “Cowboy Commandments.”  These commandments are focused actually on behavior off the dance floor.  They are wonderful suggestions, because people decide who to ask to dance based on what happens both on and off the dance floor.  A social etiquette mishap off the dance floor can be harder to forgive that stepped on toes during an East Coast Swing.

 I have used and taught these commandments over the years.  I look forward to sharing them with you now.

 Nine Cowboy Commandments – Originals by Paul McClure with revisions by Amy Barnes

1. Thou shalt brush thy teeth and put on a fresh shirt before leaving home.  Nobody has ever been turned down for a dance because they had fresh breath or had on a clean smelling shirt.  Use all the deodorant you want, but go light on the perfume and aftershave.  Plus, if anyone offers you a mint, take it.  Please, Take The Mint!
2. Thou shalt stay sober, but patronize and tip.  If you drink, please remember, “After one, I can feel it.  After two, my dance partners can feel it.  After three, even the dance floor can feel it.  I better sit down.”  Please, don’t forget your wait staff.  Just because you sipped water and ate popcorn all night, doesn’t mean they didn’t work hard to keep you happy.
3. Thou shalt take the initiative to begin conversation.  Conversations are two-way communication.  Ask the other person questions and then give them a chance to talk.
4. Thou shalt offer a conversation topic during introductions.  When meeting new people, skip long and elaborate stories, discussion of medical conditions and personal histories of heart break.
5. Thou shalt give compliments, not advice, when dancing.  You have just been asked to dance a social East Coast Swing, not a give private lesson on proper swing dance technique.  There is something even in the worst dance of the night to compliment.
6. Thou shalt say “Ma’ma”, “Sir”, “Please” and “Thank you” at every possible opportunity.  Make your mother proud.  Always thank your partner for the dance.
7. Thou shalt not press attention without reciprocity.  Take small steps.  If reciprocity occurs to a minor display of interest, then anther step is appropriate.  When your ministrations go unrequited, you both tactfully forget there was an overture in the first place.
8. Thou shalt avoid any term which is slang for any part of the female body.  Rule of thumb, avoid talking about people’s bodies in general, outside of references to dance frame.
9. Thou shalt emulate Randolph Scott.  We all have role models.  Find one that exudes easygoing charm, good manners and is respected by the community.  Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers also work well. 

You do not have to be the best dancer at the swing party to be the most desired dance partner there. 

Follow the Nine Cowboy Commandments and you will find much success in the social circles of the next dance party you attend.

Amy Barnes

ZeDiamond Dance Method